No One Ever Said It Would Be Easy
by WhyCantIBeTara
Summary: Sydney, the shy and beautiful daughter of Tobias and Tris, only has one more year to decide what she wants the rest of her life to be like. Will she remain Dauntless and continue to live with her family or will she transfer and begin a new life? Is she Divergent like her parents? She has a lot to think about. Follow her as she tries to figure out who she is and what she wants.
1. Prologue

**I do not own the Divergent trilogy or any of the characters except for a few that I myself have created :) Some of the characters who died in the series are still alive in this story. **

You're only allowed to choose one faction and once you do there's no going back. You can't change your mind and that scares me. But, it is not near as strict as it was when my mother and father chose; there was a war and many died. You had to abide by your faction and your faction only. Some things have changed. Or maybe that's because my parents are Dauntless leaders now and I live life a little simpler than most people in the headquarters.

My brother, Caleb (named after my uncle), is 17. Last year at his Choosing Ceremony, he chose Dauntless but it was no surprise; it's where he belongs and he loves it. I'm only 15 so I still have a year but I am so worried. How am I supposed to choose a faction that determines the rest of my life when I can't even decide what I want to eat for breakfast? It doesn't seem fair. My mother and father are Divergent and it was a very dangerous thing to be back then. It is not such a problem anymore but people are still very weary of them because they know Divergents can't be controlled; they are strong. My parents have murmured things to each other about how they believe that I may be one of them but I don't know about that.

My brother is pretty much a spitting image of my father; he has the dark hair and blue eyes, similar facial features, same build and he is almost as tall as him now but not quite yet. Me? I am a mixture of both of my parents. Like Caleb, I have my father's dark hair and blue eyes but a mix between my mom and dad's faces. My hair is more wavy than it is straight and my father believes I inherited it from his mother. Like my mother, I am petite and not very tall and being Dauntless pretty much guaranteed me a fit body. My mother tells me that I am 'chestier' than she was when she was my age but they aren't bigger than hers are now. I still feel like I am built like a child but mom tells me otherwise, much to my father's dismay.

The new initiates have just arrived and it's a tradition for my best friend Anna and I to scope out the attractive boys. We of course are unable to see most of their training but we still see them eating lunch and in the passageways. Dad helps train them as does mother. I wonder what kind of people are here this year and if they will make it. That is something that has always terrified me.


	2. Chapter 1

Today the initiates will be training to fight. That is something that has always made me uneasy. Everyone knows I am not the best fighter but I don't know if I have ever even given it my best shot. I do not think I can fight on command. Someone would have to piss me off or hit me first in order for me to go at them. My brother calls me soft because of it which I hate. I am _not_ soft. Mother tells me that she was the same way and still is. She won't hurt someone unless they deserve it. I have never really asked my dad about it though.

I am the only one left in our home in the Dauntless headquarters. It's a nice place and I've lived here most of my life. When mom and dad became leaders, we moved into a nicer area within the headquarters. I suppose mom and dad are with the initiates and Caleb is probably off doing something crazy. I'd much rather lay here but I suppose I should get up. After all, it is 10 in the morning already.

After I have showered, dressed in black leggings and a tight, black, low cut shirt (my boobs are pushed up nicely but it hardly shows any cleavage), I head out to find Anna. My hair is still damp and I did not apply makeup today. Crazy, right? To wear makeup while living Dauntless. Dauntless-born kids do not have it near as hard as the initiates do so I don't just sweat it off. Sure, we have to help out and do minimal training, but it is not a big deal. If you want to be Dauntless forever, then you can train as much as you want. Other than that, you just need to make sure you follow the rules and do the job assigned to you. As usual, Anna is roaming the passageways. "Where have you been, girl?" "Sleeping. Wanna spy on the training?"

Anna and I have managed to quietly sneak in the door and quickly make our way behind extra mats. Two girls are circling around each other, fists up, contemplating when to make the first move. One of the girls is much bigger, but she looks petrified. The little one lunges towards her and kicks her in the shin which causes her to double-over in pain, but only for a second. The big one swings and connects her fist with the little one's jaw which knocks her on her ass. She doesn't get up after that. Jeez, even I could do better than that.

We continue to watch as people fight and occasionally make comments until we think my dad may have seen us, "shit" I whisper as we quickly move behind the mats and out of sight. "Do you think he saw us?" "I don't know… look! He's your dad" she tells me. Just as I am about to peak out again, a shadow appears on the wall in front of us and we know he is standing there. I jump out and say hello enthusiastically to act as if I was not hiding from him and he just stares at me with his arms folded. We stare at each other until he finally sighs, lets his arms drop, and says, "I should be mad but I just don't have it in me today. Oh, and now that you're already here, when was the last time you trained to fight?" he asks me and I look away instead of responding. "Ha, never" Anna says as she reveals herself. I give her a look which she returns. Anna is not much of a fighter herself but she at least gives it her best effort. "Come with me" dad says and I gulp as my hands start to sweat.

The initiates have left to take a break but they will be back soon which is the only relief I have. Anna and mom went with the initiates because, well, I don't know. Probably so dad and I can do this alone. I stare at him as we face each other in the 'ring.' He tells me to position myself and I do but my arms are shaking. "What do you expect me to do, hit you?" I ask astonished. "No. Well, I mean, if you want to you can. But I want you to block my punches. You know I won't actually hit you, but this is still a good way to train." he tells me. I nod my head nervously and he throws a 'punch' in which I back away from. _Coward_. He walks toward me and does it three more times, earning the same reaction as the first. He has me corned now and I know I have to toughen up. I block his strong fist, but only with an open hand and instantly pull away. He puts his arms down and sighs, "they'll be back soon but you and I need to work on this. You have your required monthly training next week and I am tired of seeing my own flesh and blood back away. You are stronger than this, Sydney. I know you can do it. Your mother was the same way but she got through it and so will you." I nod in agreement but don't allow my eyes to meet his. I hate that I have disappointed him. I know I should train more for my own good as well as my future. What if I choose Dauntless? I love it here but I just don't feel cut out for all of this. This entire situation is just a mess and I feel like crying. I haven't cried in such a long time but I can't here. Not right now. "Hey, look at me" he commands as he gently lifts my chin with his hand. I look at him and I know he can see the shame in my eyes. "I'm sorry. I will train longer and harder. I promise." He nods and lets me know that he will help me in any way he can.

**DINNER TIME AND LATER THAT NIGHT**

We normally do not eat dinner in the cafeteria because mom cooks for us but we do after the Choosing Ceremony until the day the initiates that make it officially become Dauntless. Anna isn't in here so I am next to Caleb and our parents but I am not very hungry. I continue to pick at my food until mom asks me why I'm not eating, "I'm just not hungry I guess." "That's what you said during lunch. You haven't eaten at all today." I feel my dad's eyes on me but I don't look at him. I just can't shake this terrible shame I feel. "I'm fine, mom, really. I ate an apple earlier" I reassure her but I know she isn't buying it.

Caleb is with one of his friends watching him get tattooed for the 6th time. Caleb has tattoos like mom and dad but I haven't any myself. I just don't know what I want. I don't want to get a tattoo for the hell of it; I want it to mean something. I am sitting on the couch while mom and dad are showering together. They did not tell me (obviously) but I just know that both of them are in there. I shiver at the thought. I am not sure what to do the rest of the night. I am not tired and I know that sleeping will be hard to do after the events of today. Good thing we get off school while the 16-year-olds of all the factions train to pass whatever tests they may have. I have time to work hard and prove to my dad that I am not a coward. _I'm not_.

It's been an hour and I am still sitting on the couch staring aimlessly at my surroundings. I don't even have the tv on. Mom and dad are worn out and have already gone to bed, or so I thought. I look up and see dad standing in the doorway of their room just staring at me. I stare back, smile ever so slightly, and look down. From my peripheral vision I see him approach and feel the space next to me sink under his weight and he begins to speak.

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Did you like the first chapter? Please let me know what you think! 


	3. Chapter 2

_From my peripheral vision I see him approach and feel the space next to me sink and he begins to speak.._

"I know I upset you and hurt your feelings today, Syd, and I am sorry. I just don't want to see you fall behind or get hurt in the future because you don't know how to defend yourself. I know you are not the strongest of people but we can work on that. I will try not to be too hard on you or go too fast. You just need to speak up and let me know what you're thinking and how you feel. I can't help you if you don't want to help yourself." I continue to stare at him and then finally nod, "you don't have to apologize. I know I should have been working harder and caring more from the start but it's just so difficult. I am pretty small and have never been good at any of this like Caleb. I don't even know if I'm good at anything; Dauntless related or not. But I will let you help me. I'm sorry that I have let you down and embarrassed you. Mom and Caleb too. I know you're ashamed. I'm not very Dauntless, am I?" I question and feel my throat tighten. _Fight it, Sydney. Don't be a baby._ "You have not embarrassed us, baby, and we are by no means ashamed of you. We love you and want you to be happy. We know you are struggling with knowing who you are and what you want and that's okay; it's normal. Don't doubt yourself so much, kid." He tells me as he brings me in for a hug. He must have sensed that I was about to cry. I haven't though and I won't. Not now. I hug him and he rubs my back before asking, "shall we start now?"

When I say I'm weak, I don't actually mean I am _weak_. I am Dauntless so I am strong and capable, it's just that I am behind most people. We are in the weight room and I have just done all the necessary stretches and am now laying on my back on a bench. I can usually lift 150 (with a spotter to be safe) which is definitely more than my body weight. I am about 120-125. I can squat even more weight than I bench and I can do numerous amounts of push-ups and pull-ups. I know that 150 is nothing compared to what my dad can lift and I feel my face heat up. I know he obviously does not expect me to be stronger than him, but I'm still embarrassed. I can lift more than I weigh, which is good, but you're supposed to be able to lift double your own weight. I grab the bar and lift it up and then back down; I do 3 sets of 12. Dad was there the whole time and kept his hands under the bar just in case I was to let go. We move onto squats, bicep and leg curls, calf-stands, pull-ups, and then push-ups.

I'm now sweating and somewhat aching. "Should I do sit-ups?" I ask and he shakes his head, "no, you've done enough for tonight. Sit-ups strengthen your core and reduce stomach fat. You don't have that problem." We walk towards the passageways and to our home. It's only 11PM? I thought it was later. I head for the shower but dad stops me, "you did good tonight. We will continue to work and get you stronger before we go back into the ring. If I push you too hard, you have to speak up, okay? I don't want you to think I am treating you like I treat the initiates because that is not the case." "I'll tell you if and _when_ you do" I smile, "and thanks, dad. I appreciate what you're doing for me. I know you're very busy this time of year so it really means a lot" I tell him and he smiles. He wraps his arms around the top part of my small frame because of how short I am in comparison and I hug him back. We head our separate ways but he stops me again before he enters his room, "Syd? You're good at many things. Don't ever think you're worthless, okay?" I smile, "thanks, daddy. I love you." "I love you too, baby. Goodnight."

**MORNING**

I am sore as hell this morning. I have just gotten out of bed and am walking to the kitchen. It's 7:45 so mom and dad are up and just about ready to go. "You're up early, baby" mom says and I nod, "I am. Is Caleb in bed?" I ask and she nods. I sit on a stool at the counter and dad walks up behind me and kisses the top of my head and I lean back onto him for support. "No spying on the initiates today, little girl" he tells me and I smile but agree not to. "I think Anna and I are going to the pool today" I tell them. "Okay, but be careful" mom starts, "and make sure you wear your black bikini instead of the coral colored one because Sam is going to be around and about today. You know how he is about wearing Dauntless attire." I sigh in agreement and notice that dad has been tense ever since mom mentioned my black bikini. I love how I look in it, honestly. I may be shy but I know when I have people's attention. Mom looks at dad and smiles while stifling a laugh, "she looks good and you know it." "Yes. That's why I feel the need to burn it." "Guess you'll just have to go naked then, Syd!" mom jokes and I laugh, "sounds like a plan, Stan." I look up at dad and see that he does not find this as funny as mom and I do. "Oh, come on, daddy. It wouldn't be the first time" I push his buttons even more. "W-_what_?" he stammers as I giggle and hop down, "we're only kidding dad." "I'm going to get you a nice wetsuit…. Yeah, that's what I'll do" he mumbles as we walks off towards the door. Mom and I laugh as she gives me a hug and kiss before she follows dad. "_Naked_?" he questions as the door shuts and locks behind them.

Anyone who knows my dad knows how protective he is of mother and me. Even of Caleb too when it comes to certain things. Mom tells me that's the only reason Dauntless boys don't come up to me often; they fear the wrath of my father. Boys hit on me and stare at me at school, even Dauntless ones, but once we are back in the headquarters, _nothing_. It still upsets me sometimes because it lowers my self-esteem, but I know I am not ugly. My mom has never considered herself beautiful but I think she is absolutely stunning. And, not to mention, groups of girls are always following my dad around while whispering and giggling. And don't even get me started on Caleb. I have this bad feeling that he and Anna have had sex. Neither of them are virgins and I know who've they slept with, but that's not something they would admit to me.

Anna is waiting for me at the pool when I arrive. It's huge with many lanes but some of it is just an open space. It was built within the last few years for leisure time and exercise. It is completely empty right now though which is weird, but I know it's because Sam is going to be scoping the place out today. I saw him on the way here. He is one of the main leaders of Dauntless. He is only nice if he likes you but that is hard to achieve. He likes my family but he still makes me nervous. It's been rumored that he is a creep and I agree. He's been known to flirt with my mother and make sexual remarks. I always catch him staring at girls, young and grown. It's discomforting.

I strip until I am only in my suit and Anna does the same. I walk to the edge and dip a toe in to test the temperature; it's cool as always. I wonder when the initiates will be training in here since it's required now. Anna and I hold hands as we run and jump in. We float around and just talk for a while and then decide to do some laps. Sam comes in as we decide to go back to floating around and just stands and stares. We waved and he waved back but he won't leave and I am feeling uneasy. Anna and I swim to the opposite edge to get out but our towels and clothes are on the other side where he is standing. We make our way over and he acts like he is inspecting something but we know better. We smile and say hello as we quickly wrap up our towels around us to cover our almost naked bodies. We say goodbye and quickly let ourselves out and wait until we are further down the passageway until we lean closer together to whisper, "oh my gosh, what a creep! Did you see him staring you down, Syd? He was fucking you with his eyes!" "He was looking at you too!" We reach a light source that is out were many passageways meet and stuff our towels in the bags we put our clothes in. "Should we tell someone?" she asks me and I think about it before responding, "maybe… I don't know. Is it necessary?" I ask. "I think our parents would want to know" she tells me firmly and I know she's right. We shake off the thought and head for my 'house' and run into Caleb and his friends along the way, "hey, Sydney… Anna" he greets us. He looks her body up and down and I am almost positive my theory is correct; my best friend is whoring around with my brother. "What are you guys up to?" she asks them and they say they are just going to the Pit. We part ways and I almost work up the nerve to ask her about my brother but chicken out.

**LATER THAT NIGHT (TOBIAS' POV)**

We are eating dinner in the cafeteria with the initiates and other families. Sydney is eating tonight and is engaged in a conversation with Tris about her day. I am not really listening because I am clouded with thoughts. Not too many of the new initiates are struggling this year which is unusual. Normally most of them do. It is going to be difficult to rank them. I am also worried about my little girl. I know she struggles with trying to keep up with the rest of the Dauntless-born kids but she is not the worst. But the thing is, the others who are behind are going to be transfers for sure and we all know it. Sydney doesn't have the slightest clue as to which faction she will choose. Tris and I are positive that she is Divergent; she does not fit into just one faction.

I ask Sydney how swimming with Anna was as she is squatting and she tells me that is was good but the look on her face says otherwise. I ignore it but it makes me wonder. She told Tris that she had fun and that she and Anna even did laps. We move onto bench and I add an extra 5 pounds to the 150 when she isn't looking. I am going to keep it at 155 for a few days and then add another 5. If she doesn't know, then she can't let it get to her head and feel the extra pounds. I spot her but I do not help her lift; I just make sure she doesn't drop it on her face.

After we're done lifting for the night, it's only 9:30. I want to do something else but I don't know what. Maybe I can have her do more laps but I have to see who's in the pool first. We leave the weight room and head for the pool. "How is the training going?" "Good actually… they're doing pretty well." I tell her that I believe it will be difficult to rank people this year and it surprises her. "I think that might change when we have them in their fear landscapes, though" she inquires and then her expression changes, "I wonder what mine will be like… _or would be_. I don't know" she looks away with red cheeks. I set my hand on her shoulder, "well maybe I will let you see it when you're stronger and braver" I say and she looks up at me with questioning eyes, "isn't that against the rules?" she asks. "Only if I help you through it."

The pool is empty which is very unusual. Sydney pulls her shirt over her head and slips out of her sweats. I hate that bathing suit. Why does my little girl have to look so grown up in it? I try to ignore the fact as we walk towards the lanes. I roll up my pants after I take off my shoes and sit along the edge as she gets in and starts treading water to let her body get used to the temperature. I tell her to alternate strokes after each lap and she begins. She is a great swimmer; she's practically a fish. She does 10 laps down and back before I tell her that she's done enough for tonight; she would have gone on forever if I hadn't said anything. She gets out and wraps in her towel and I put my shoes on and roll my pants back down. I grab her clothes and we make our way to the door as Sam walks in. I always play it cool but I can't stand the guy. He hits on my wife and has been said to stare at my 15-year-old daughter. If he weren't one of the most important leaders, I would have beat him to a pulp a long time ago. He greets us and I feel Sydney shrink into my side, soaking my shirt. We have a brief conversation about how training is going and make our way back home. "What was that about?" I ask concerned and she hesitates, "I… I just don't like the way he makes me feel." "What do you mean?" I stop walking. "He came into the pool room today when Anna and I were swimming and waited until we got out. He didn't say much but he was staring" she tells me without making eye contact and I stiffen. I am so sick of that Goddamned pervert looking at little girls, _especially_ mine.

**SYDNEY'S POV**

I just told dad about Sam and he looks very unhappy. He doesn't speak the rest of the way until we get to our door, "you'd tell me if he ever laid even a finger on you, right?" he asks and the thought of it makes me feel sick to my stomach. "Yes, I would.. Why? Do you think he will?" I ask a little too worried. "I'm just making sure, babe. Just to be safe." We walk in and I let him shower first. I put my towel in the laundry room and sit at the counter in my suit and wait for dad to finish. I hope Sam never comes near me or _anyone_ for that matter. I don't want any trouble so I hope dad doesn't go after him; there is no proof anyway. I shake the thought from my head as dad kisses me before going to bed.

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How do you guys feel about the story so far? Please let me know and leave suggestions if you'd like!


	4. Chapter 3

I wake up feeling sore again but I like it; it means I am making progress. I stretch as I get out of bed and walk over to my vanity to look at myself. My hair is a curly/wavy mess and my eyes have bags under them but maybe it's just the lighting. I left a light on last night. Okay, that's a while lie. I _always_ do because I often wake up in the middle of the night to use the restroom and it's pitch black without it. We obviously have no windows so there is no light from the sun, but we do have electricity.

I check the time and it's only 7. I stumble out into the living room and lay down on the couch but get up again five minutes later because I have to pee. Once I'm done, I go into the kitchen to get myself a drink and mom walks out of her room, "good morning, honey" she tells me and I say it back. She asks me if I have any assignments to do on my time off of school and I tell her that I have to make a family tree but it won't take long at all. "Sydney? Babe, why didn't you tell me about Sam? You can't keep stuff like that to yourself. I really want you to be careful around him because only God knows what that man is capable of" she scolds me and I apologize, "I'm sorry, mommy. I didn't want to worry you and I was too embarrassed to say it in front of everyone. Dad only knows because of my reaction to seeing Sam again last night." She nods carefully but still looks hurt that I didn't tell her. I normally tell my mom everything; she is one of my best friends.

Dad walks in and greets us, "good morning" he says. "What are the initiates doing today?" I ask. "Swimming. This is one you can actually watch if you want. I won't kick you out" he smirks and my eyes light up, "can I bring Anna?!" I ask a little too excited which makes him laugh, "yeah, babe. Sure thing." "She's going to be so excited!" I turn to mom, "are any of them attractive? Should I actually try today?" I ask all in one breath. Mom laughs and dad rolls his eyes but fights a smile. "First of all, yes. There are a few handsome, young men. Second, you don't have to try. You always look good, baby" she tells me and I blush, "thanks, mom, but you're kind of obligated to say that..." She gasps, "I am not! Tobias, help me out here." "You're always beautiful, Sydney. I may be 'obligated' to say that, but that doesn't make it untrue" he kisses my head.

Anna and I are sitting at the far end of the pool away from the initiates as they are being told what they need to do. We scope the group for babes and my eyes stay on one in particular; he's 'tall, dark and handsome.' Anna can hardly sit still as the boys peel their shirts off and get in the water and I laugh at her. What the initiates are training to do is not something as simple as laps. They are doing things such as retrieving things from the bottom of the pool while being timed and trying to get themselves out of a locked cage without panicking and/or needing assistance. This is just minor I've heard, but there are so many initiates who are not good swimmers and fear being in the deep water. Anna and I watch as they start out doing basic strokes and warming up. I wonder if any of them are bothered by us.

It's time for a break, but it has definitely been an interesting morning so far. There are a few initiates who are really struggling, and my dad had to help one girl get in the water because she was so frightened. This is the only training that I could pass right here and right now. Anna and I walk over to dad to see how he is feeling about all of this. He looks tired and is soaked from helping that girl, April I think her name is. He did not even wear proper clothes because he did not plan on getting in. "How's it going, daddy?" I ask as 'tall, dark and handsome' walks by and flashes me a flirtatious smile. I blush and look at Anna and she grabs my hands and almost squeals, "he is gorgeous!" If dad looked tired before, he looks exhausted now, "fine, I guess. Until just now." I giggle and lean into his side, which soaks my own. We stand there and talk to him and mom until the initiates return to work on diving to the pool floor and pushing themselves up with their feet. April is the only one who does not even attempt it and I kind of feel bad for her. That would be me in every other part of training.

It's dinner time and Anna and I are heading home (me to the cafeteria) when I realize that I left my jacket behind, "damn it, I left my jacket. Go ahead, I'll catch up with you tomorrow or later on tonight!" I walk back to the empty pool room and look around for my jacket. Why isn't it where I left it? "Looking for this?" a voice asks me and I whip around to see Sam standing about 10 feet away holding my jacket. "Y-yes. Thank you" I say as I slowly make my way over to retrieve it. He does not hold it out to me so I have to get closer than I want to. "You're welcome. Why so nervous? Are you okay, Miss Eaton?" he asks and I nod because I am unable to speak. "You know, you look much like your mother but I definitely see a lot of your father in you as well. It's a good mix, doll" he compliments me and I try to smile to hide my fear and disgust, "I have to go" I say as I try to head for the door but he grabs me and cups a hand over my mouth to muffle my screams. He drags me into the control room of the pool space and shuts the door. "This can be very easy or very difficult. That, of course, is up to you." he tells me and I feel tears burn my eyes. "Aww, look at you. Why are you crying? I am not going to hurt you; I am going to pleasure you" he says and I try to scoot away from him. I really hope mom or dad wonder where I am and come save me. I am pretty much defenseless, especially if he drugs me. Maybe I can act like I am… _into it_, and hit him when he least expects it. I don't know how I'll be able to do that though. I let out a sob as he comes closer to hold me down as he rubs himself against me and I can feel his erection on my leg, "p-please, no" I beg through more sobs but he ignores me. I thrash and kick but he is too strong. He grabs his knife and starts to cut my clothes off of me: my shirt, my pants, and my bra. I am wearing only underwear and shoes now, but he yanks them from my feet. He stares at my chest and reaches down to touch them as I try to cover them up with no such luck. He leans his head down and I can feel his breath on my left nipple and let out another wail. He takes one in his hand and continues to hold me down with the other. He licks and sucks on my nipple and I let out a scream. "Stop screaming, Sydney. No one can hear you; they're at dinner" he tells me calmly as he runs his hand down my body and takes ahold of my underwear and peaks inside of them. I picked the wrong day to wear black lace. He easily rips them from my body and throws them with the rest of my shredded clothes. With some difficulty, he pries my legs apart and just stares before looking up at me and leaning closer so he can whisper in my ear, "very nice, Miss Eaton. Tell me, are you a virgin? It's shaved as if it's ready to be touched, but you have to be a virgin. I just know it. You'll be so tight but you need to get wet for me." I shake uncontrollably and try to get away but I am just too weak. He puts me on the ground and pushes my legs and feet up towards my face, putting my most private parts in full-view, and starts to rub and touch my butt and vagina just as the door bursts open.

**TRIS' POV**

Sydney has not come to dinner yet and I am beginning to worry. If she was planning on doing something else, she would have told us. "Tobias, where is Sydney? I am really starting to worry about her." "I have no idea. Maybe she is with Anna?" he suggests and I nod but I need to be sure, "I am going to go check." As I am walking out of the cafeteria I am stopped by a Sydney's age named Renee, "Mrs. Eaton? I heard Sydney say that she left her jacket somewhere and she went to get it while Anna went home." "Thanks, Renee!" I say as I head towards the pool with Tobias on my tail. "What do you think is taking her so long? She wouldn't be swimming right now, would she?" I ask and he just shakes his head that he doesn't know. We get to the pool and the place is empty and I do not see her jacket. Did she already get it and leave? Just as we are about to leave and look elsewhere, we hear a very faint sob coming from the control room. We dart over and try the door but it is locked and neither of us have our keys. He tells me to stand back as he kicks the door open. I let out a gasp/sob at the site of Sam touching Sydney's naked boy against her will. Before Sam can say or do anything Tobias lunges towards him and yanks him off of Sydney and drags him out of the room. I rush over to Sydney who is now curled up in a ball in one of the corners, sobbing and shaking uncontrollably, "Sydney?! Oh my god, Sydney! I am _so_ sorry. What did he do? Did her hurt you? Did he get far?" I ask through tears and worry and she manages to shake her head. I look around for her clothes but see that they are all torn except for her jacket, but that won't cover her lower parts. I wrap her up in my arms and allow her to sob into me until Tobias is done with Sam. A minute or so later, he comes back in, shaking with rage, and makes his way towards us. "Her clothes are ripped and torn" I tell him and he peels the shirt off his back and holds it while I manage to get Sydney to her feet. I help her lift her arms up and Tobias slips the shirt over her head. He reaches down and lifts her so he can carry her, chest to chest so he can keep her bottom covered, and then we head home. Sam is laying on the floor out cold and I know that Tobias is going to take care of him after we get Syd situated.

I tell Tobias to sit with Sydney as I run a warm bath for her. I wait for it to fill up a little and then add some bath salts. I tell them to come in so I can get her in the tub and calm her down. Tobias comes in with her still in his arms and sets her down. I take his shirt off of her and hand it him, "are you going to the main office?" I ask as I guide Sydney into the tub. "Yes, right now. Unless you need help?" "No, I can take it from here. Go take care of him" I say with menace. I get on my knees beside the tub to talk to Sydney. I tell her that she needs to tell me the story from start to finish; _everything_. She struggles on certain parts, but she gets through it and we are both crying again but it's only tears, no sobs. I just want to take away my baby's fear and pain and it kills me to know I can't.


	5. Chapter 4

**TOBIAS' POV**

I walk in the door of my home and first check my room to see if Tris has Sydney laying down in there. I haven't been gone long because all I had to do was tell the highest Dauntless leaders about what happened and where Sam is now. They of course believed me, but we still reviewed the security tape, in which I was unable to watch its full extent; as soon as he looked between her legs and whispered in her ear, I was done. I have never felt so much hate for someone in my entire life; I have never wanted so badly to kill someone. But, what's worse than death is to be factionless and that's exactly what I want for him. It's all settled and guards left to take care of him the same time I left to go back home. I hear quiet voices coming from the bathroom and I make my way over. I see Sydney and Tris laughing about something and it helps to lighten some of the pain in my chest. "All taken care of?" Tris asks as she washes Sydney's hair and I nod. She goes back to giggling and I grab the stool next to the counter and sit on it to talk to Tris as she goofs around with Syd. "We all agreed for him to be factionless because I of course cannot kill him without being forced to be factionless myself" I tell her and she nods, "I think that will be best. He doesn't deserve an easy way out such as death. I want him to suffer." I agree. Sydney acts as if she isn't listening but I know she is. I just don't see how someone could do that to her. Yes, I'm aware that she's beautiful, _beyond it_, but she's just a little, defenseless girl. She may be 15, but she's just a baby to me. _My_ baby. But all the girls around here are just little girls to me as well. I could never look at them with such want and desire. They are just so young. Sam's a dirty bastard.

**TRIS' POV **

Sydney has always been self-conscious about her body and her looks and I've never understood why. She's a beautiful girl. I can't imagine how hard tonight must have been for her. It's hard enough for Tobias and I to deal with and we know it's much worse for her. To be put into a situation like that and not have the power to get him off and away just makes me sick. Why would someone do that to her? She's such a sweet, innocent girl and I can't even begin to try to understand his intentions. Well, I know what his intentions were. He obviously wanted to rape her but I just don't understand why. I'm just so grateful that Tobias and I got there when we did. If it would have been just a few minutes later…. To walk in and see that.. I know for sure Tobias would have killed Sam right there and then. I can't imagine how traumatized Syd must be. And embarrassed. She told me that she is humiliated because she was too weak to help herself and had to be found naked as the day she was born by not only her mom, but her dad too. It's definitely not something he hasn't seen before, obviously, but it's probably been a few years (not including times he's accidentally walked in on her in the bathroom, but that's normally only bits and pieces at a time, not her entire body) and she's definitely developed some since then. He never thought anything of it though. What's there to think, honestly? She's his little girl and it's not awkward for him to see her bare.

**SYDNEY'S POV**

Dad just left the bathroom so it's just mom and me again. "Are you ready to get out?" she asks and I nod. She grabs a towel and hands it to me as I stand up and step out. She tells me that she is going to grab me some clothes as I dry off. I look in the mirror and see my eyes are not near as red and swollen as they were before and I feel better. She comes back with undies, black leggings and a white tank top. I quickly dress and comb my hair before going out into the kitchen where mom is talking to Caleb. She told him what happened; I can tell by the looks on their faces. I get closer and see that Caleb has tears streaming down his face. I hug him and he hugs me tighter. He looks so upset and angry. It makes me want to cry seeing him so upset but I have done enough crying. I feel so weak. "I am exhausted" I say and mom nods, "why don't you go lay down, baby? Go say goodnight to dad and meet me in your room, okay?" I nod and go check mom and dad's room. He is standing in front of their dresser, wearing nothing but sweats, looking at something. I stare at the tattoo on his back even though I have seen it a million times. It's so big and detailed. "Goodnight, daddy" I say to let him I know I am behind him. He turns around and smiles at me but it doesn't meet his eyes. Are they red? _Was my dad crying?_ I run into his arms and he catches me. I hug him tight and he does the same. He stands there holding me for a long time before he tells me he's sorry. I ask what for and he doesn't respond, just hugs me tighter. This is very unlike dad and it worries me. I don't want him to feel guilty that he wasn't there sooner but I know that's the case. Mom comes in because it's been a little while and comes over to join the hug. "We love you more than life itself, Sydney Marie" she tells me and I feel my eyes burn with tears. "I know. I love you guys, too" I say shakily. Dad carries me to my room with mom right behind us. They put me to bed and kiss me goodnight.

**4AM Sunday morning (no required training today)**

I sit up straight breathing heavily and in a panic. I dreamt that Sam got farther than he actually did and I feel gross and violated. I look at my alarm clock and see that's only 4. I try to lay back down but I can't sleep. I creep into my parents room and shake my mom awake. "Sydney? What's wrong? Are you okay?" she asks and I nod, "yeah, I'm fine. Just a bad dream. Can I lay in here?" She has me crawl over her so I can lay between them and they both face me to put an arm around me in which I instantly fall back asleep.

I hear a thud from the kitchen followed by "_shit!_" Caleb must have stubbed his toe or something. I open my eyes and see that dad is no longer in bed but I am cuddled up into my mom's side. Her eyes flutter open and she smiles at me, "morning. How are you feeling?" she asks as I sit up. "Okay." We walk out into the kitchen and she begins to make chocolate chip pancakes from scratch. Mmm. She serves me and herself and we begin eating. Caleb eventually comes in and eats with us. I sit and talk to mom as she insists on washing the dishes with no help. Dad comes in and kisses mom's neck and wraps his arms around her waist. He whispers things in her ear and she giggles. I want to have a love like theirs when I am older. They are so happy and I am grateful. Dad turns and leans onto the island counter so he's facing me, "how are you, hon?" he asks and I smile, "I'm okay, daddy." He reaches over and squeezes my hand before walking off into the living room.

I need to see Anna. I thank mom for making me breakfast and for letting me sleep in between her and dad last night before heading to the bathroom. I brush my teeth and let my wavy/curly hair down. I stare at my reflection and tell myself that I am beautiful. I heard that if you smile and tell yourself it every day, you will eventually believe it. I wash and moisturize my face before going to sit in front of my vanity. I prime and apply a light coverage foundation and then a light, neutral color on my eyelid with a light brown in my crease to make it pop. I curly my eyelashes and apply mascara. I go over to my closet and open it. Most of my clothes are black, obviously, but I do have colors as well. I decide on blue jean skinnies that have tears in the knees and a tight, black t-shirt with the Dauntless symbol on the front. I put on my black, lace-up leather boots and put on some deodorant and perfume and I am good to go. I walk out into the living room and see that Caleb has his best friend Mark over. Beside them is Ren- an annoying, bitchy slut his age that I bet both of them have slept with. She doesn't like me because one of the guys she was trying to get with liked me instead. I, of course, didn't go out with him or anything because for one, he's 19, and two, he just wants in girls' pants. My parents would have killed me if I even considered it. I have never even dated someone before. Sure, I have liked plenty of boys but I am so shy. Not to mention, my dad scares anyone off with just a look if they even lay eyes on me. There was this boy that I was talking to and we were getting so close to becoming official but then my dad scared him away with one look and a shake of the head. I was livid. Don't get it twisted; I am very close with my parents but we have our disagreements and arguments like any other parent-child relationship. I misbehave, don't listen, talk back, etc. and there are consequences.

"Hey, Syd" Mark says and I smile in return, "hey." Ren just looks at me and I stare back with the same mean, dull expression. I feel hands on my shoulders and I know it's my dad's way of privately scolding me for being rude so I stop glaring at Ren. "We're going down to the pit, dad" Caleb says as they leave. "Something tells me you don't like her" dad say as he removes his hands from my shoulders. I smile and give him a quick hug before heading to Anna's. She's showering when I get there so I walk in the bathroom and sit on the counter and let her know I am in here. "Hey, girl" she says, "I'm almost done. What's up?" "Nothing really. Just wanna hang and whatnot" I lie. She turns the water off and steps out and grabs a towel. We've seen each other naked before and it's no big deal. She always complains that she wants my boobs. I never really thought about it until she mentioned it, but I guess they are kind of nice. They are perky, round and the perfect size; neither too big nor too small. Anna lacks in that area. "What do you wanna do today?" she asks me and I shake my head, "I don't know. Anything you want."

Once she's ready, we walk the passageways in silence. I want to get the nerve to ask her about my brother but I am afraid she will be angry. She would be annoyed with me if I slept with her brother. Her brother, Kenyon, is 18. He's really nice and smart and definitely not as wild as Anna. He's been with the same girl for almost 3 years and that's the only girl he's ever slept with. I've always wondered what it would be like to be in love and I am very curious about sex. I'm a teenager, it's normal. I could always talk to my mom about it but it embarrasses me. I want to know though. Real love. Not a "no strings attached" kind of thing.

"You're quiet… what's going on?" she asks, interrupting me from my thoughts. "Look, I need to talk to you. It's important." We go somewhere we can be alone and I tell her about Sam. I hold back my tears but it's pretty hard to when she starts crying. She hugs me for a long time and I feel better; safe. This is why she's my best friend. Once we've calmed down, we go to the cafeteria to grab a snack and see that some of the initiates have decided to eat lunch. I see dad standing off to the side engaging in conversation with other Dauntless leaders. I wave at him when he notices me and he waves back. Anna grabs some chips and I grab an orange. "Are you trying to watch what you eat or something?" she asks and I shake my head, "no, why? Should I?" I ask paranoid while looking down at myself. "Hell no!" Anna and I pass a group of initiate boys and 'Tall, Dark, and Handsome' meets my gaze. He smiles at me and I hear a few of them whistle as we pass them. I don't turn around to see the look on my dad's face but I bet it's priceless. Anna and I look at each other and giggle as we leave the cafeteria and head back to the passageways for a walk.

**LATER THAT NIGHT (1AM)**

Anna is staying at my house tonight and we agreed to be quiet since my parents have to be up early for training. We are sitting on my bed talking about kids our age. "Ashley is such a bitch. I literally cannot stand her" Anna says and I nod in agreement. She really is awful. She kisses so much ass but she's such a stuck-up asshole. She and I got into an argument in English the day before the Choosing Ceremony about how she's always so mean to people, especially the less-fortunate, for no apparent reason. Some think it would have turned physical if Mr. Brown wouldn't have gotten in between us. And who knows, maybe it would have been - that's how much I can't stand her. I wake up and check the time and it's only 3AM and Anna is not lying beside me. I wait a few minutes to see if she will return from the bathroom or something but she doesn't so I get up to see where she has gone. I check the living room and both bathrooms but she isn't around. As I am about to go check if her shoes are still here, I hear a noise coming from Caleb's room. I creep up towards the door and gently press my hear against it. What I hear is almost horrifying. I hear my best friend moaning my brother's name and commanding him to go _'harder, faster.'_ I step away from his door and hurry back into my room and try my hardest to erase it from my memory and luckily I am asleep when she returns.

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_Please_ review! Thanks for reading and I hope you guys are enjoying it!


	6. Chapter 5

I roll over and look at the clock and see that it's almost noon. Damn. Anna is still sleeping of course because she was _busy_ last night.. Should I be okay with this? Because I am so annoyed. I thought she stayed here because she wanted to spend time with me. How long has this been going on anyway? How can she have sex with someone so easily like it means nothing at all? Am I lame for thinking it should be special? Well, her first time was with a boy she dated for a year. They broke up six months ago and she was devastated. Are my brother and her a thing or just a casual fuck? I don't understand but I am determined to get to the bottom of it eventually. I'm just not sure who would be easier to approach.

**(AFTERNOON BREAK FROM TRAINING)**

"Honey, are you okay? You look like you have a lot on your mind" mom asks but then her expression changes and I know she is thinking that my mood is because of the incident with Sam. Which, I mean, isn't a total lie. It's on my mind 9 times out of 10 and I'm so afraid that it will result in long term mental issues. But I don't want to think about it. I don't want to think about my best friend and my brother between the sheets either but I need to know their intentions and how long this little thing has been going on for. "Yes, I'm fine. I'm just thinking. That's all" I try to smile. She runs her hand through my hair and smiles sadly at me, "I'm just worried about you, baby. We all are. You know you can talk to your father and me about absolutely anything, right? Don't feel like a nuisance and don't be embarrassed. Okay?" "Thanks, mommy. It's easier said than done though." "I know, honey, but it's important." I start to say something but I stop myself and look down. "What is it? You can tell me" she insists. "It's just that… Well, I… I don't know how to address it" I say and she nods. "Well, give it some thought and we will talk tonight, okay? I have to get back to work."

I know I am supposed to be able to tell my mom anything but this is not necessarily my business. I mean, she must know that Caleb is by no means a virgin, but does she even want to know about him and Anna? I wish I didn't. I wish I had the confidence that Anna has. I mean, I am comfortable with my body and sometimes like to wear things that show off my curves but I know I would chicken out if it came to something physical between me and the opposite sex. I am jealous of Anna when it comes to that kind of stuff. I want to know how it feels to not care; to have experience. _To have sex_. But I know I would regret it if I lost my virginity to a dirt-bag. Maybe I can ask Anna what it's like and how it feels but she may refer to my brother and I'd rather not know all the little details.

**(AFTER DINNER)**

I am lying on my bed staring at the ceiling. I may have gotten out of bed at noon but today has been so long. I hear a knock at my door and my mom comes in. She lays down next to me and plays with my hair, "what's on your mind, honey?" I don't answer right away but she doesn't pick my brain, she just patiently waits. "I think there is something going on between Anna and Caleb. Actually, I know there is something going on. I just don't know what exactly." "What do you mean?" "Well, I woke up around 3AM and Anna wasn't next to me" mom's expression changes at my words, "so I checked the living room and bathrooms but she wasn't there. She was having sex with Caleb. I know it was sex because I heard her moaning and I was able to make out some of what she was demanding of him. Not to mention the occasional squeak of the bed." I know mom doesn't like what I just told her and I don't think she even knows how to respond. I let it sink in and she finally replies, "I am disappointed in them. Anna is a smart girl. Why would she give herself to a boy who probably doesn't even want to be with her? Have you talked to her about it yet?" "No, I have not. I don't know what I am supposed to say. It will be so awkward and I am afraid she will be angry. But the thing is, if anyone should be angry, it's _me._ Best friends aren't supposed to go for brothers and brothers aren't supposed to go for best friends" I complain angrily. "I agree, hon. It's bullshit. But I think you should talk to one of them about and see what's going on or find out if it really is just a friends with benefits kind of thing. I really hope it isn't but you know Caleb." I nod but don't respond. We lay there for a while before I speak again. "Mom? I feel like I am so behind everyone. There are so many people my age who lost their virginity a long time ago. I am going on 17 and I've hardly even kissed a guy." "Sydney, you aren't behind your peers because you have yet to become sexually active. I was still a virgin at 16 and there is no shame in that. You don't want to just give that up to anyone. You want to wait for the right person. Sex is powerful and should mean something more than just pleasure. It can literally make or break a relationship. Don't worry about what you have and have not done yet. Your time will come and you will be thankful that you waited." I know she's right. "Does it hurt? The first time?" I wonder and she nods, "I think it did. Everyone is different though." "Was it awkward?" "It wasn't awkward because of the love I have for your father. He was very sweet to me. We waited a little while because I was too nervous. Don't ever do something you're not ready for or don't want to do. If you're not ready, then it will be awkward and give you the wrong impression." "I know daddy was your first and only.. Are you his?" She shakes her head. "No, baby, I am not. It was hard to cope with that. Dad had girls falling all over him and there are a handful he slept with, but it didn't mean anything. He regrets it. He hurt them and that's not how your father usually is." I nod and thank her for talking to me about this. It's been on my mind for a while now and I needed to get it off of my chest.

_I slowly open my eyes to see that I am in a room lit with bright lights that hurt my eyes. I try to sit up but realize that I am tied down, naked, and unable to move which makes me panic. As I am trying to wriggle free, I hear a door open and in comes Sam who is naked as well. He smiles at me and slowly makes his way over. He touches all over my body as I cry and try to kick free. He hits me and commands me to hold still and I whimper in response. He awkwardly pushes my legs apart and barely touches the head of his penis to my vagina before slowly sliding it in…_

I wake up screaming before realizing it was just a dream. I am safe. He can't hurt me again. My door flings open and mom and dad run to my side. I fall into my dad's arms and cry into this shoulder. He sits on the edge of my bed with me in his arms and allows me to let it out while mom pushes my sweaty hair away from my face. "Do you wanna talk about it, Syd?" dad asks as I calm down and I barely manage to choke out "Sam." I remain on his lap, my back to his chest now, but I am no longer crying. My breath is still uneven and my cheeks are tear-stained but I am calm now. "I should probably shower" I say and mom nods as she goes to get my robe that is hanging from my door. "Here, I'll trade you this for your dirty clothes." My shirt is sticking to me so dad helps me lift it from my body which only exposes my back to him. The only thing left are my undies and they are nothing but lace. It's hard to feel sexy in lace when your dad sees you in them. I feel like a little girl now. I barely lift my butt up so I can slide them off without mooning dad and hand them to mom. I put my arms in the robe and it falls around me as I stand. Dad kisses me goodnight as I tie it and walks back to their room.

**(A FEW DAYS LATER)**

Dad and I are back in the weight room and it feels good to get away from the things I have been struggling with the past few days. "You're already getting stronger, baby" he tells me and I smile wide, "really?!" He nods and laughs at my excitement. "Do you think you can get back in the ring?" he asks and I contemplate before nodding my head. Now we are face to face, arms up, and ready to 'fight.' "Don't be afraid to hit me, Syd. I can guarantee that you won't hurt me" he smirks and I smile. He throws a 'punch' and I back away from it. _Don't be a coward._ He throws another and I block it, and anther, and another. He of course is not moving fast by any means. I have to work my way up to it. Once I can do that, we can use boxing gloves so we can actually hit each other. I throw a light punch at him in which he easily dodges it and throws one at me. He accidently hits my collarbone but it was not hard. He puts his arms down, "sorry, kid. You okay?" he asks and I nod and quickly throw another punch at him. He was off-guard and still managed to swallow my fist with my hand. My fists are little and I am beginning to think I will never be able to catch him off-guard. He has many years on me and I am so weak in comparison.

I am the sorest that I have ever been. After dad and I decided I had enough time in the ring, we went back to the weight room and I maxed out in all of my exercises and ran 3 miles on the treadmill on an incline. "I am so sore I can barely move" I say as I attempt to stand after downing a bottle of water in less than 10 seconds. "Good" dad says and I shove him but my arms are like spaghetti. I try to keep up with him but I fall behind and he laughs. I tell him to wait and he does but he makes fun of me. "Carry meee" I whine and he chuckles but refuses. "Please daddy" I beg but it doesn't work. I wrap my arms around him and hang on him as he walks until he finally gives in and grabs me under the armpits and lifts me off the ground. I rest my head on his shoulder and close my eyes. I barely even remember showering. All I can think about is how comfortable my bed is right now.

I did not have any bad dreams last night which is good. I am getting tired of them. I don't want this to be a huge issue for a long time. I want to move forward and try my best not to let it interfere with my future relationships and whatnot. What if I think of Sam when my time comes and it ruins the entire thing for me? Gosh, I really hope not. Maybe I can talk to my mom again and see what she has to say about it. She won't be so busy for much longer. We will know which initiates made it in 4 weeks and things will start to go back to normal. Maybe dad will let me see my fear landscape after all of that. I'm not even sure if I want to see it because he isn't supposed to help me through it. I don't know how I will be able to do that on my own. Plus, a new fear has been added within the past few weeks and I don't know how I will be able to deal with that again. Of course the landscapes aren't real, but they're definitely realer than any dreams I've had. I for certain won't have only four fears like dad because I am such a wimp at times. I can hardly kill a spider and if it's big I can't kill it at all. The thought of it makes me shiver and feel sick to my stomach. I definitely need to talk to my dad about this soon.

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What do you guys think? Please review and leave suggestions! I'd love to hear your ideas and what you might want to be apart of the story :)


	7. Chapter 6

**(THREE WEEKS LATER; ONE WEEK BEFORE INITIATION IS OVER)**

I have gotten so much stronger in this past month and I am proud. Our required monthly training/tests went well for me this time. Or at least better than ever before. So many people were shocked and it made me feel good. Dad thinks that if I keep this up, I'll be one of the best and that makes me happy; it gives me hope. On the other hand, I still haven't figured anything out about Anna and Caleb. I need to talk to her about it though. Or him. It's really bothering me. Maybe that's something I will do tomorrow.

I close the door to my home behind me and look down the hallway and see Aunt Christina (she isn't really my aunt) and Uncle Zeke (also isn't really my uncle) and their three kids; Jordan whom is 18; Miles whom is 15; Kasey whom is 13. They're all really nice and I've been close with them my entire life. They have been gone for a month on a 'vacation' (or as close as you can get to one). They leave every year during training and come back for the last week. They did not leave when Jordan was in initiation and they will not next year if, _and when_, Miles goes through it. I am almost positive that he will choose Dauntless. I am not so sure about Kasey though. She, like me, is girly and tends to put off many of the Dauntless activities. I run towards them and hug Christina, "hey! How was your time away?" I ask and they all say it was fun. Christina is the darkest of them all and Zeke is the lightest. They're children are darker than him, but lighter than her. They're all attractive. "How has the training been this year? Have your parents said anything?" Zeke asks and I nod, "dad says that most of them are very good and it's been difficult to rank them." "That's unusual" he replies. Christina opens their door and lets us all in and I stay and talk to her and Kasey for a long time.

**(AFTER SUPPER)**

I am laying on the couch with my head on mom's lap as she strokes my damp hair. Dad and I just got back from lifting, running, and swimming laps. He's in the shower now. I told him he could take one before me because after I wash my hair I am going to soak in the tub. "Did you talk to Christina?" I ask her and she nods, "indeed I did. How was your day, honey?" she asks me and I tell her that it's been good so far. "How's dad been doing? He isn't too hard on you, is he? I warn him often not to be." I smile at that. My mother worries so much about me.

I have been in the bathtub for over an hour now reading a book. I'm not Erudite, but that doesn't mean I can't read damn book. I love to read. I set my book down on the floor and lean my head back and close my eyes. I need to talk to Anna pronto. I have been putting it off for far too long now and it's ridiculous. She's my best friend and I am supposed to be able to talk to her about almost everything, right? That is what I will do tomorrow - no ifs, ands, or buts. The water isn't hot anymore and I am feeling chilly. I look down at my body in the water (I didn't add bubble bath) and see that I have toned up a little. I have never by any means been 'fat', but my muscles were not as defined as they are now. I don't believe in calling people fat because that should not define someone. People also have fingernails but that doesn't mean they are fingernails. Well, I suppose I should get out and dry off so I can go to bed.

**TRIS' POV**

Tobias and I have not had sex in over a month now which is always tough. Usually we do weekly like normal married couples, but initiation has us on tight schedules. Only one more week though and the kids will be back in school so we won't have to worry about them hearing anything that may scar them for life. I know Caleb has many times because his room is adjacent to ours, and once he even pounded on the wall. It was a little embarrassing but funny at the same time. Sydney on the other hand does not say anything about it. I know she feels awkward but she's told me before that she hopes she meets someone like her father and will be happy like I am. She's so precious.

Tobias has been quiet tonight but I've yet to pick his brain. Normally he comes out with it so I will just be patient. I look at his hands has he twiddles his thumbs and reach over to grab one of them. His eyes meet mine and he smiles as he squeezes my hand in return. We are lounging in bed like we normally do before we turn the lights out. "Are you ready for this to be over yet?" he asks me and I know he is talking about initiation "yes, I am. I am excited to have time to breathe and spend it with my family." He is silent for a while before finally speaking again and it looks as if he has been trying to word what he is about to say, "Tris? Do you think that.. That Sydney has, uhh, done anything?" he asks and I stare at him in confusion but then it clicks. "Sexual?" I ask and he cringes at the word; at the thought. "I know she hasn't. Why do you ask?" "It's just that she's a very beautiful little girl-" "young woman" I cut in which seems to make him sad. "Anyway," he starts again, "she's very beautiful and could have any guy she wants I'm sure. Guys take notice of her no doubt. She's grown up so much and doesn't have the body of any 15 year old girl I knew when I was her age. I'm a guy; I know what those boys are thinking. I was the same way but this is my baby_._ Plus, she's.. She's _shaved_" he whispers the last part and I take in all that he's just said. "Yes, she's very beautiful and she's definitely starting to develop and grow up. It happens whether we mind it or not, honey. You know that. And I'm sure she shaves because it's her preference.. Not for someone else. She's hardly even kissed someone" I say and he nods but then looks at me, "_hardly?_" I laugh and lean over to press my lips against his.

**(MORNING - SYDNEY'S POV)**

Today I have to talk to Anna and I can't pussy out. This is my best friend and my brother. I take my time getting ready before heading out into the passageways to find Anna. She's at the drinking fountain under one of the blue lights. "Hey, girl" she says and I smile, "hey." We walk and talk together before I manage to work up the courage. What I need to find out is how long, the reason (if there even is one) and why she didn't tell me. "Anna? Can I ask you something?" she looks nervous, "yes…" "So I know you've been sleeping with my brother. I suspected it about two months ago and I heard you when you stayed the night last time." I say and she looks embarrassed; she won't meet my eyes, "I was going to tell you, I really was.. I just didn't want you to get mad. Our friendship is important to me. I'm sorry I didn't tell you, Syd." she apologizes. "How long has this been going on?" "Four months.." "… what's the point? Do you like him or.?" "Actually, I do. I really do. He hasn't been with anyone else since he's been talking and sleeping with me." "Why didn't you just tell me, Anna? Sure, it's repulsive and is against the rules but if you guys are happy then I can try to get used to it." She stops walking and hugs me for a long time. "I love you, Sydney."

**(MONTHS LATER - OCTOBER 31st)**

The Dauntless love Halloween and really get into the whole thing. October is such a great month around here and I love it but, sadly, it's coming to an end. Today is my birthday though (another reason to love October). I am officially 16 years old and will be choosing my life in just a few months or so. I am so nervous that I have actually made myself sick by thinking about it. I try not to but there is no way to avoid it. No way at all. I _need_ to think about it.

Today is Saturday so I don't have to go to school on my birthday. The smell of French toast, bacon, eggs, and cinnamon rolls lures me out of my bed. I walk out of my room and into the kitchen where I hardly make it three steps before I am lifted off the ground and squeezed tightly, "Happy 16th Birthday, baby girl!" dad says and I laugh and hug him, "thanks daddy!" He sets me down and mom walks over and kisses my forehead, "Happy Birthday, honey." We sit down and eat and Caleb eventually comes in and gives me a painful "pinch to grow an inch" while makes me squeal. "Happy Birthday, sis." I spend the rest of the day with my friends and family and have a great time. Mom made an amazing cake and homemade ice cream. She even managed to get me a few books that I have been wanting to read. I can't believe I am already sixteen years old. This year went by fast - _too fast_ - and I know it's because I am dreading my Choosing Ceremony. How am I honestly supposed to pick just one way to live? I don't understand how any of this is fair. Yes, I love being Dauntless and I have been training with my dad for months now and am one of my best kids here. Dad says he knew I had it in me; it's runs in the family. But, I also love to read and discover knew things. I enjoy helping people and love to sit outside and enjoy nature. This entire thing is whack but I know I have to pick one. I am almost positive I will choose Dauntless because I love it here and this is where my family is, but I really need to think of myself too. I want to be happy; I need to be happy.

Mom was beat and said goodnight at 11PM and Caleb went to the net with Anna. I sit down on the couch next to dad and lean into him and he wraps his arm around me. "If you're up to hang out with me, there's something I'd like to show you." I sit up eagerly (I love spending time with my daddy) and smile, "what is it?" He takes me out past the chasm and up to a dark area where there is a ladder. That must be the fear landscape. It is off limits to anyone who is not a leader so I have never been up here; it is a strict rule and there are consequences. We walk up to the ladder and I stare up to where it leads. Dad has me go first so he can catch me in case I happen to fall. We are now standing in a big, dark, open space. I am not even sure if he will let me see mine anymore because I know he will feel awful to watch me face it on my own. I walk to the center and just look around. I take it all in and think about my fears. Hmm, I think I am afraid of many things. "How strong does the fear have to be? Is it every little paranoia or..?" "It is most fears, I believe. Maybe not a little fear of failing a test or something absurd like that. Why? Think you have a lot?" I nod. "I'm afraid of a lot of things.. You know that." He smiles and sets his hand on my shoulder and squeezes it, "yes, I know.. But you're brave, babe." "What about spiders? I _hate_ spiders!" He laughs, "you really do." Just a month or so ago when I was in the bathroom, a huge spider came out of nowhere and started crawling across the wall and I screamed like a little girl. Mom doesn't fear spiders the way I do but she doesn't like them so dad or Caleb always takes care of them. I literally ran out of the bathroom in only my undies with my arms covering my bare chest. Mom and dad were already near because they heard my scream. "What wrong?! Are you okay? Did you _finally_ start your period?!" Mom asked worried/excitedly and I'm sure I turned crimson because dad did too. "_Mommm,_" I whined, "no, I didn't. There's a huge spider in there!" Dad smirked and went in to kill it. Also, I'm pretty sure mom jinxed me because I started my period for the very first time a week later. "What's on your mind?" dad asks shaking me from my thoughts. "All of this. It scares me." "I'm sure you'll do just fine, baby. I _know_ you will."

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Okay, so I skipped ahead and I will be next chapter as well! Let me know what you guys think :) I have a whole lot in mind and will definitely be adding in some of the suggestions that were in the reviews!


	8. Chapter 7

**(MONTHS AHEAD - DAY OF SYDNEY'S APTITUDE TEST)**

All my classes are shortened today so we don't miss anything when we leave to test. I am so nervous that I can't stop sweating and tapping my foot. Caleb is a senior and I am a sophomore so we don't really see each other at school but I know he will find me before I have to go. Mom and dad could tell that I was nervous this morning because I came out of my room with red eyes. I honestly can't remember the last time I cried before this morning - it was probably after a nightmare about Sam, but I haven't had any in such a long time. I have been able to push it from my mind but it creeps up on me when I least expect it. Mom and dad didn't say anything about me crying, they just treated me like they always do and gave me tight hugs before I left. Dad told me not to think about it (my test); just go with my gut feeling. I have no idea what the aptitude tests are like because people are not allowed to say anything about them at all. My parents couldn't even give the slightest hint as to what I am up for today. I was so worried that I wouldn't make it through by my mom told me they aren't like that. What if I don't fit into any of the factions? Is that even possible? Or what if I fit into more than one.. What if I am _divergent?_

I wait patiently for my name to be called. Miranda Durk and her brother Calvin are testing right now. I know I will be the first of the Es and it's getting very close. I close my eyes and concentrate on my breathing for a little while. How long will this take? I am actually kind of glad that my last name starts with an E rather than something farther along the alphabet; I would go insane if I had to sit here for that long. "Eaton and Ecklee" a voice calls out and I make my way through the other 16 year olds and back into one of the testing rooms. No one is in here yet and I just realized that Tori may be my instructor. I don't know which room she has though. I've known her my entire life; she and my mother are close friends. I wait patiently until I hear a door open and in comes Tori which helps to calm my nerves but my hands still shake. "Hey, honey!" she says as she hugs me. "I can't believe you're taking your test today. I remember the day you were born. Let's get started." She has me lay back on the chair and explains that I will have to drink a serum after she hooks me up to her computer and I nod. "Just relax, sweetie. Your parents and your brother got through this and so will you." She hooks me up to wires and has me drink the fowl liquid. I close my eyes.

I am standing in an open room with many mirrors. Everywhere I look I can see my entire body and it's confusing. I slowly walk around and try to see what exactly the point of this is but am surprised when a lady appears out of nowhere and tells me to "pick one." I hardly even glance at my options because I am so startled by her presence, "why? For what?" I ask and she says "pick one. Pick one before it's too late." "But-" "Too late" she says and is gone in the blink of an eye. _Oh, no! What if that was my test and I failed?_ Am I factionless now? I look up and in the mirrors I see a big, German Shepherd approaching. I quickly turn around which causes him to ferociously bark and growl at me. I take a step back in fear and he barks louder. _Calm down, Sydney. You need to stay calm._ I take a deep breath and slowly lower myself down to the floor. _What the hell am I doing?_ The dog stops barking and growling but he is still cautious as he comes closer. He finally gets close enough for me to pet him and he ends up laying down and rolling over so I can rub his belly. We remain this way for about 30 seconds until a little girl comes running excitedly yelling "doggy!" over and over again. The dog jumps up and starts barking again. Scared, the little girl backs up and then takes off in the opposite direction and the dog chases after her. "NO!" I shout as I scramble to my feet and tackle him an attempt to hold him off.

I don't know what happened after that because my eyes are open now and I am staring at the ceiling of the testing room. I look at Tori but am unable to read her expression. "Well?" I ask and she looks at me and smiles. "I knew your brother was Dauntless from the start and nothing else, but I've always been unsure about you. You're not an open book. Your results are what I was kind of expecting them to be. You are divergent, honey. It's still not the most accepted thing; you know that. But I cannot alter your test results because only an idiot would believe that both children of Tris and Tobias belong in one faction and one faction only." I take in all that she has just said and nod, "okay, I understand, but which factions do I fall under?" "Dauntless, Erudite, and Abnegation. Just like your momma." I smile and thank her before leaving. How much longer do I have to be here at school? I just want to go home because I have so much to think about, but I know I need to stay here. Caleb will be looking for me again after school and I don't want to worry him.

The final bell rings and I walk out into the hallway to find Anna. She, of course, is by Caleb's side. We all walk together to the train and jump in. We are mostly quiet. I wonder what Anna's results are? She's never this quiet, but this was a stressful day for everyone so I won't bug her. I just want to get a snack and lay down. I say bye to Anna before Caleb walks her home as I head back to our house. Dad is at work but mom is here. "Hey, honey. How are you?" she asks and I smile, "I'm all right. How are you?" "Worried about my precious girl." I hug her and tell her that I really am fine. I can tell my mom, right? She has to already know.. Or at least have an idea. "Mommy? Can I tell you?" I ask her and she looks at me while brushing my hair back with her fingers, "only if you swear that you never did" she says and I agree not to. "Well, what do you think my results were?" "I'm thinking you're like your daddy and me." I nod and for some reason tears well up in my eyes and they do in hers too. She brings me in and holds me. I don't know why I am crying. I don't feel sad or angry; I am confused and it is a lot to handle. I have one night to decide. How is that possibly enough time? This is my _life_. I can't change it once the decision's made. This isn't fair. I'm more than just brave so why can't I live up to all of my characteristics?

I wake up to the feeling of the couch sinking down next to me. I open my probably red, crusty eyes and see my father. How long have I been asleep? "Hey, Syd." "Hi, daddy." He looks at me, "it's all going to be okay, you know." Once again I feel my eyes fill with tears but I blink them back. I know it will be okay but this is a hard decision. Am I actually cut out to be Dauntless forever? I get up and sit back down on dad's lap and curl up into his chest for comfort. He leans back and wraps an arm around me and rubs my back with his free hand. "Did mom tell you?" I ask and he nods. "We already knew though. I don't want you to worry so much because it isn't worth it. Just give it some thought and pick the one that suits you best." "You knew what you wanted to be from such a young age though, daddy. You've always been brave. I'm strong and capable but I'm not brave. I'm a wimp" I say shamefully. "That is not true. You're very brave. You can't doubt yourself like this, baby. You're good at so many things and you don't even realize it. We will always love you no matter what you do, how many mistakes you make, and what you happen to choose. Don't think of anyone else right now. You need only to think of yourself" he says and kisses my head.

I climb into bed feeling a little better than I did before. Dad's right, I need to think of myself. This is my life and I don't want to be miserable in a few years. I am pretty sure I can rule out Abnegation because I am not _that_ selfless. Erudite went to war with Abnegation when my parents were teenagers and that's what makes it hard for me to consider it. Yes, things have changed but I will always have that feeling in my stomach because of it. Maybe I can just sleep on it and wake up knowing what I should do. _Ha,_ if only, if only. Damn it.

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Do you guys like where this is going?


	9. Chapter 8

I wake up to my alarm at 7AM but the Choosing Ceremony isn't until 9. I hear someone out in the kitchen and assume it's mom. I don't want to eat anything because I'm afraid I will get sick but I know she will make me. I walk out and greet her and she replies happily, "good morning, baby! What do you want to eat?" "I'm not really hungry, momma." "Oh, nonsense. You have to eat something. You'll regret it later if you don't." She makes sausage, eggs, homefries, & toast. I get the orange juice out and set it on the table. Dad walks out of his and mom's room already showered and dressed. He kisses mom on the lips and me on the head. "How're ya' holding up, babe?" he asks and I tell him I am okay. Caleb comes out and we all eat in silence except for an occasional comment about how training may be this year. I guess there are some changes being made. I wonder what? I guess they aren't allowed to tell anyone. Oh gosh, this makes me nervous.

Not everyone goes to the Choosing Ceremony, but there are definitely a lot of people here and I have to force myself to keep my breakfast down. We take our seats and a leader from Amity (it is their turn to host) starts the speech that is given every year. One by one, people are called up to make a cut into their hand and let the blood drip into the bowl belonging to the faction they choose. The names go Z-A so I am going to be here for a while which I hate. I just want to get this over with. I have no idea what I should choose but I know that my parents will love me no matter what and would definitely visit me in a couple of weeks on Visiting Day. The minutes drag by but they're going much faster than I expected them to because of how indecisive I am. Hm, _Erudite?_ I love to read and learn new things but it is more than just that. I do that for fun and I really don't think it is something I want to spend my life on. Some things just aren't fun to read about. I like specific genres and I enjoy reading mysteries and love stories. Not about the Earth, inventions, faction history etc. Plus, I could never develop a serum or medicine. I'm probably not smart enough.

_Abnegation._ Well, both of my parents are from Abnegation. It is all about helping others and putting their needs before your own. Am I actually kind enough for all of that? Mom said that she struggled with it and I feel like I would too. I really can't see my dad in Abnegation so it's hard to believe that's where he spent the first 16 years of his life. Not that he's selfish or anything, but he's very firm and stubborn. I guess I like to help people; it makes me feel good when I do, but could I honestly devote my life to that? The well-being of others? Never think of myself ever again? It takes a certain kind of person to do that.

_Dauntless._ My home. I've done so well this past year. I am strong and capable. My daddy taught me well and I know he is ever so proud. Both of my parents are. They will be proud of me no matter what though which is nice, but also makes it harder to decide. So many parents believe their kids are traitors if they transfer but many of them transferred as well. Bunch of hypocrites. This past year I have actually lived up to the Dauntless name and it makes me feel unstoppable. I love being labeled as 'brave' (I'm honestly not the bravest by any means but I am not a baby either). I know that I am capable of anything. Or at least I'd like to think so. Dad's always told me not to doubt myself because it will get me nowhere. If I believe that I can, then I _can._

I am shaken from my thoughts at the call of my name. _Oh, no. This is it._ I still haven't thought this through and I have seconds to get my act together. I look to my parents for guidance and they both nod which gets me to my feet. My heart has never pounded so hard in my entire life and it feels as if my head could explode any moment. I make my way through the row and into the aisle in which I start to descend. My legs feel like jello and I am worried that they might collapse beneath me. Before me are the five bowls. I know that I have ruled out Erudite, and Candor and Amity were never really an option but I can choose any of the five. I step right in front of the bowls of Abnegation and Dauntless. How nice am I really? Am I even brave enough? The training will be different this year… can I handle it? I know it will be intense.. _Ugh, what do I do?! I can't stand up here much longer!_ I take the knife and wince as I slowly cut my hand. I close it shut so the blood doesn't leak and stare at the bowls. I carefully extend my arm so that my hand is between the two bowls. Maybe my mind, or my heart, can do this for me. I close my eyes - my head is spinning. I hear loud claps and cheers but don't want to open my eyes. I hear a loud whistle and know that it was my dad. My eyes open and I whip around. I would have never pictured this just a year ago. Dauntless. I chose Dauntless.

**(AT THE TOP OF THE BUILDING AFTER THE FIRST TRAIN RIDE)**

My dad is now the one who aides in this part of initiation so he is up here with us. Along with him is a strict man named Tom. He and my dad are friends so I am not too worried about him but he still makes me somewhat nervous. Whispers erupt from the group about "where the hole leads to." I obviously already know but us Dauntless-born initiates are not to say anything. My dad asks for a brave volunteer to step forward but no one does for about 10 seconds. A boy, rather muscular I might say, steps forward. His backside is to me so I cannot see his face but he looks good from back here. He slowly steps onto the ledge and hesitates for a second before jumping. Slowly, one-by-one, people jump from the building. Once all the new initiates have had their turn, it's our turn. I'd like to say there are 20 of us. I look around and can already almost tell which ones won't make it long. They only chose Dauntless because it's all they've ever known and they were too afraid to transfer. It isn't fair to think this way though. It's possible for anyone, even the strongest, to fail. All it takes is one mistake and I could be factionless.

None of us have a problem with jumping because most of us already have done it before. I obviously know everyone in this group and we all know our instructors so it isn't awkward for me to walk up to my father. He doesn't say anything but he wraps an around my shoulders and pulls me in. I jump last so I can stand there with him.

"You guys obviously know this is the Pit" dad says to us Dauntless-born initiates, "I know that you all have your own homes and whatnot, but you are to stay here for initiation." I forgot all about this part. I have to sleep with girls _and_ boys. Yes, I know all of them but that doesn't mean I like all of them. Plus, all the showers and toilets are out in the open. I can't even change my clothes in privacy. Yikes. "I was just informed about some of the changes that have been made and are to be put into effect from this year on. I myself am not too happy about a few of them just like you won't be. You guys will be doing your training with the new initiates." A burst of complaints. "Yes, I know. But rules are rules. They will be here any minute and Tom will explain the rest." The new initiates file in and look around.

"Well, first thing's first," Tom says, "strip down so you can change into the required uniform." We all do so after us girls turn our backs to the boys. Mom comes in to take the new initiates for a little tour of the place while the rest of us are, I guess, free to do what we want for the night. I walk around the Pit with Anna and Renee to find a bed that I can claim as mine for the next couple of months. They are uncomfortable bunk beds and I am not sure whether I want to sleep on top or bottom. I'll just let Anna decide that for me. We walk out into the passageways and try to have some fun before our big day tomorrow. "So, how do you feel about this? Are you nervous? I really didn't think you would chose Dauntless" I say. "Well, I didn't expect you to pick it either.. But yes, I am very nervous." "Did you chose Dauntless because of my brother?" She doesn't respond right away so I know I am right. "Look, I know it's stupid to do that but I didn't want to leave everyone I love! I couldn't! And now I have to bust my ass in order to stay with you guys!" she shouts in tears. I say nothing. I just hug her until she is done crying. This is not going to be a good couple of months, that's for sure.

Anna was so tired that she passed out on the bottom bunk as soon as we got back. Many of the people have already boasted about how well they are going to do and have picked on the weak ones. I am just going to keep my mouth shut. Confidence is one thing, but putting people down is something entirely different. It's not going to help them. I don't want to get into bed just yet because it's only 8 o'clock. Just as I am about to go for a walk, mom and dad come in and tell us (well, the new initiates) that breakfast was little while ago but they can eat still. They are to be on time from now on. They tell us to make sure we all get some sleep tonight because we going t need it. They leave the Pit and I rush after them. I know I can't sleep in my own bed but I can at least talk to them before they head home. "Mom! Dad! Wait!" I call out as I run to catch up. They both turn around and wait for me to get to them. "How're you doing, hon'?" dad asks and I tell him that I am okay. "I'm nervous though." Mom smiles and pulls me in, "everyone is, Syd. You're not alone. Just don't give up, okay?" I nod and wrap my arms around her. "You should get some sleep" dad says as I pull away from mom. He lifts me into his arms and hugs me tight. "I love you so much, Sydney. I am proud of you. I always will be."

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Okay, I am sorry that it has been so long! I have had a crazy past few weeks and have been hammered with tons of homework. I am going to keep up with the story the way I was before! I will post the next chapter after I get another review! :)


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